Fixing People Is Not in Our Job Description
(Though the interns graduated on Monday, there's still some wisdom to share from their experiences - here's Kelly's most recent blog*)
I like to fix things. I like to have the right answer. Very often I don’t have it, but that certainly doesn’t stop me from searching all possible resources. I love the idea that I’ll have the perfect thing to say with just the right answer and *boom* problem solved.
Turns out that’s not really how it works most of the time, especially when you are working with real people. Turns out real people are complex and really nothing like the case studies in our textbooks that all wrap up nicely. And even with the most motivated client, healing takes time.
This is something I’ve been chewing on for a while now. While we are considered the “experts” in nutrition (or we will be once we have that RD credential!), knowing things and fixing things isn’t really the point.
I recently rotated through the Central Coast Treatment Center, a mid-level (IOP and PHP) eating disorder treatment facility where clients come to the facility for meal support, a variety of therapy, and sessions with the dietitian. Emily, my main preceptor, had been working there for about 2 years and very clearly has found her calling in the eating disorder world.
The first time I watched Emily counsel a client, I noticed how very little she offers “answers.” Most of the time she is asking questions or making observations. I admire her ability to balance offering education and wisdom without inserting her own expectations of what outcomes the clients will or won’t have. Neutral is not quite the right word, as there was always space for sharing emotions. Inquisitive and reflective seem like more fitting descriptions of her counseling style.
By the end of my time there, I was given a few clients to lead nutrition counseling sessions. I noticed myself grasping to think of the perfect thing to say, the magical and beautiful phrase that would “fix” the client. If I’m being honest, it felt like I was trying to “win” at counseling (against who exactly, I’m not sure!)
Emily noticed too and pointed it out. She told me that it’s OK to not know what to say. It’s also OK if their response to your questions isn’t what you were expecting. And it’s OK if the session doesn’t go in the direction that you planned. True, but tough for someone who loves to come prepared with the right answers.
Here’s what I’m learning: maybe our purpose is not simply to be the “experts.” Maybe our purpose is just to walk beside clients as they find their own path to healing. We are not meant to have the perfect thing to say. A client’s journey is much bigger than any fact or small wisdom we could offer. While it is our job to provide education, support, and direction, it’s not our job to fix anyone. The thing about eating disorder work is there is often not a perfect answer, a quick fix, or a set of steps leading to success. Yes, there is healing and recovery. But all those books we read and knowledge we can accumulate is only a small piece. The answer is not to expect to fix anyone.
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*The interns drafted these blogs promptly throughout the year and it was my responsibility as coordinator to review and post. If blogs and social media were a bit out of alignment that was my tardiness, not theirs.
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